Our Special Friend

Who is Snappy?

No one really knows who Snappy is. Rumours about his true nature are abundant, but what can be said for certain is this: Snappy is from another plane of existance. The things he says are - clearly - idiotic; but I believe that Snappy has been sent forth from his dimension to help humanity (just like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles).

By recording Snappy's most prophetic sayings on this webpage, I hope to one day glean Ultimate Wisdom by carefully studying his words. Sure, Snappy sounds like he might be a complete idiot. But maybe, just maybe, he's merely a man of below-average intelligence.

Many thanks to all the people who helped me collect the quotes on this page.

Note: I have edited some of snappy's insane linebreaks out to form whole sentences, and generally improve the readability of his ramblings. Enjoy!


The Snappy Database - now on Symbian phones such as the Nokia 7250. Experience mobile Java technology at it's best right here.

Short Snappyisms:

im no fag that uses a bumbag, i put all my shit in my underwear

paper is complicated

its like boxing, you aim for their legs to be fucked, then you pretty much win

fucking hell, my cock has gone all minty

well I've learnt my lesson. twice.

havent you done an uppercut in the shower? i tried once then i hit the showerhead with my hand and ended up getting cut

but what if its too dark to see the fires?

yay my brothers gone! now i have the bed to myself! no more embarassing moments.

anyways nowadays i find it hard to harm myself. So i just end up going into my spaz attacks when im alone in the apartment, kicking and punching everything in sight then rolling on the floor

i just sprayed some compress air down my pants, it fucking cained my arse, it felt like it was burning, but it was freezing

i am also a seed swallower because i think spitting it out is disgusting [Conversation about cherries]

holy crap these dudes sell dodo birds, arent they like extinctish almost?

jackie chan is best in his cartoon

All cats are cute, i remember when i had my cat i used to try and chew its head to be like the mother but it didnt work and i ended up pissing it off heaps, but it lurved me!

PS2 would be the perfect component to insert into my chest. Then i can be just like megatron! But if I transform into a TV you can chuck a CD into my mouth and I'll play you a game

i want big boobs. then i can share something common against many bigboob chicks

and then Ge will end up on the periodic table of elements

Was it winter like jan feb march?

Oh shit, i mean autumn. What am i thinking. I never knew my seasons

it just makes me think of how cool a magnetic penis would be

Hes cute, i know how to spot cute males

oh shit... nerds are drippin on my penis

man when i grow up, im gonna make a 20c graphics processor, all opensourced n shit, and im gonna make it so it will handle 128 meg of ram and do stuffs

man, i thought subnet calculating and all that stuff would be easy, just chuck a bunch of 255 and 0s and you got yerself a subnet, but nooo, they had to make it complex and annoying

does tolower() only work with integers?

oh man, handy tip, dont try to be ninja with pcb boards and crack em in half on yer forehead

man, i wanna tatoo my penis like an elephant trunk, not only does it bring out the best in the religion im supposed to be in and not believe in, but itd look majorly cool

Whoa... Clocks are in Hz?

[Referring to: int main(int argc, char* argv[]) {] that is total shit code

an aerial? wtf? whats that?

fuck. 1/4 into the year and it still feels like a fresh pumpkin

toyota is an easy name to remember cause it has 3 ts

silicon is bad... its not needed

y is an extra vowel im pretty sure, in jap

walking in dark is not as worse as walking in woden interchange. every week i manage to smack my head into a pole [Extensive head injuries? Hmmm...]

a good copy protection doesnt come from it being cracked

aint that like the + and - of magnets and they never attract?

hahhaha, im stupid, i got underwear on my table and it looked like a hat and i put it on my head and it dripped over drooped over my face

but i tried the mrq thing and i didnt hear me pinging non-existant addresses in my sound card

car pools are a job for every event each different person takes a car and you circulate amongst each other

i wish tutorials came with a final product

stauff: er dude, earth was called earth cause it is 80% earth

earth is an element too

I Gotta FIREWALL my peripherals

i read that whole thing unproperly

my manhoods a package you can take it away, but my status will still be a man

theres no such thing as Y chromosomes

rinco: if you had the skillz youd know how to avoid using ssh and still keeping the same sorta security

basically im an aussie just like all of yous (well most of yous)

however I forgot how to learn to tie a tie

linux was just an operating system developed in the 90s and used in the early 1997s

ie and netscape didnt know each other until 1998 when they got vicious

but what made me smarter was I learnt and learnt and experienced windows 3.0

i want my ie [internet explorer] to run up in < 0 secs

I will keep my wrong thinking to myself

I input that into my brain for some excessive output via random generated shell commands

your brains are too high to understand anything but your own language

crack and smack cant do shit to your brains.. its stuff like cigarettes


mrq: are ceiling fans meant to wobble
mrq: theyre not are they
snappy: nah
snappy: its pretty normal
rinc0: wobbling ceiling fan is a feature
rinc0: adds more wind flow
snappy: no way
snappy: itd cancel out the other air
snappy: well if air goes one way
snappy: and the fan wobbles
snappy: when it returns
snappy: the air going that way will be pushed into the fan coming back
snappy: and the wind will cancel out

On Proxy Servers

I say along with the linux box you chuck in win2k proxy server
behind a linux box
or in front
but make sure when its in front its behind a linux box

On Cryptography

cryptography is such a lame idea, and its a 1600s idea
when they made that gay fucked up game
which noone ever knew how to play
cause youd have to be a mastermind to read its instructions
no, honestly cryptography shouldnt of had to e needed

Security and Biometrics

what they should of actually done is
made a better networking protocols that COULDNT be exploited
and instead of smartcards or any of that bullcrap
itll scan your nipple
cause nipple is the second most unique thing of a body

Dialogue on Security and Gardening

mrq- but you cant make an ultra top secret defence building secure by putting up a sign saying 'please do not walk on the grass' then surrounding it with grass
snappy- mrq: instead of grass sprinklers, they could have grass machine guns that twirl around shooting ammo
mrq- you are a master gardener
snappy- i sure am

The Secret of Financial Success

This one was way too long to include, but check out the log, though.

Here's a sample.

you heard of them cybercoupon rebate places?
where you buy shit for 0 dollars
and get yer money back in 2 years

Reliable CD Burners

there will be a time
when scsi card themselves
will control the burning process
and will have burnproof on it
so all burners will have burnproof


i remember once
when we went out one halloween day
and we cut open a glowstick
and i poured it on my face
and it started burning my eyes


i put both my legs in the armrest holes
cant get the fuckers out

Miscellaneous Discourses

The Nob Discussion

Fluff Couch

Isopropyl Alcohol

Dental Hygiene


Between The Bars

actually this has nothing to do with being smart
its about peoples opinions
yous all think facts
but some facts are actually wrong

next week all I will speak is smart
every single word will have some meaning
and when put together even greater meaning
and youll be saying
'ahh that is soo smart snappy'

full size trampolines rule too
but whatd be cool
is if you get 6 fullsize tramps and make a cube out of it
and put yerself inside

suffer fools gladly?
is that a phrase spoken by 2 people?
suffer fools... gladly

stauff: now what's glass made of?
snappy: water

nem- how many choromosomes do you have
snappy- hmm
snappy- 4 for each gene

snappy: my mums a clipper master
kinsei: don't you mean a mistress
snappy: no, my MUM!

Snappy's Retort

er dude

some of the stuff I said was still right

Response to Retort

whats a retort mean?